Coregulation can be a very beneficial skill for emotional regulation or “calming down”. Coregulation is the use of another being to assist in working through, processing, and deescalating emotions. Human beings' brains are wired for connection, which stems back from natural selection theories. Having the need for connection met physically can lead to a decrease in the overall intensity of emotions felt, if used appropriately. Co-regulation can also be beneficial for overall health and stress management. Let’s take a deeper look into what coregulation can look like.
What Coregulation looks like:
A few categories of coregulation include physical touch (a hug from a trusted friend or family member), quality and intentional time spent together (taking a walk, eating a meal), positive words and affirmations (supportive statements and/or encouragement), and simple proximity for feelings of safety and secureness. Depending on the person and situation, coregulation can also look different and vary from person to person. It’s important to note that for coregulation to have maximum success, there must be a trusted and safe relationship established. Coregulation does not always have to be with other people either. Many people find great comfort and stress relief from their ability to coregulate with animals or pets.
How Coregulation can help:
Coregulation can help people thrive in a number of ways. The most important being the ability to access one’s critical thinking brain due to being emotionally regulated. If there is not consistent implementation of appropriate emotion regulation techniques, coregulation included, one may find themselves struggling to access their critical thinking part of their minds or feeling stuck in their emotions. When this happens, it can impact one’s decision making and judgement skills, often leading to impulse control struggles as well. For some people, those struggles can also lead to further stress, emotion dysregulation, or life impacts.
How parents and caregivers can use coregulation:
A large portion of the population may be utilizing coregulation skills more than the rest, and that would be the parents and caregivers in society! Co-regulation is a popular technique for modeling and teaching emotion regulation to children. It also can lead to healthy attachment between parents and children, hopefully resulting in quicker de-escalations of emotional meltdowns and potentially a reduction in frequency of meltdowns as well. It is highly important that parents regulate themselves first before attempting coregulation with their child. By first regulating themselves, parents are then able to help their children develop key regulation and communication skills. For some parents, this can look like pausing before responding to take deep breaths, taking breaks for independent time, and implementing switchouts with other caregivers within the home. Implementing switchouts has shown to be helpful in strengthening the connection and feelings of support between parents and caregivers. For parents, coregulation can look like holding or comforting a child while hurt (physically or emotionally), practicing regulation skills together, or actively listening to the child’s concerns or struggles. The focus with children and coregulation is in the relationship between the child and adult. For most children, their worldview is majorly shaped and developed by their parents and how they have seen them engage in the world around them. Children may or may not listen to what adults have to say, but they are always watching and learning from adults' actions and responses. The greatest tool a parent has is themself and their ability to form connections with their children.
We’d love to connect with you! Do you have more questions about coregulation? Our team at Houston Feel Good Therapy is here to help. To schedule an appointment or consultation, call or text us at 832-966-0214 or email at admin@houstonfeelgoodtherapy.com. We look forward to supporting you on your journey!
Written by: Katy Childs, LPC
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